I disappoint myself

Have you ever noticed that just when you were starting to make progress in an are of your life, everything else seems to fall apart? This last weekend I put my self on the line, I stuck my neck out and let go. And got back to school and had an epic fail. I disappoint myself. I have failed myself and every person who supported me. So much for things being different.......and yet things are changing. Slowly. They hurt, and rightly so. I mean, this is something that has been a part of my life since I was 12.....that's 11 years. 11 years of wallowing. 11 years of mucking about, behind closed doors, not trusting, hiding. And it doesn't all go away. If Satan starts to lose grip in one point, he grasps at a million different places and most likely you will backtrack right to where you last left off. Unless you have help. It is sooo difficult to ask for help, even after they offer. Who's to say they won't just forget about you and ignore you like everyone before them?