In Coastal Towns We Lie in Wait

The ocean front littered with decaying boardwalks
Overrun by corporate plastic satisfaction
Temporary relief from the hunger that plagues
What has become of the simple and pristine?
We lie in wait for a day to break over the waves
When the sea birds soar once again
Rather than pick at the bones of lovers intertwined
We look to the day when the waves no longer break beneath our feet
When the sands, littered with broken souls and lifeless hearts
Turn to gold under the feet of Divinity
In these coastal towns there will be revival
Spreading among the masses of the degenerate
We hope for the day when love becomes eternal
When pain burns away into blissful nothing
Like the ocean fog under the glorious light of day
We lie in wait, for the day when we shall live
These villages, sunken in the sea, shall once again live
Shining with the glow of souls, made new by blessed death

I disappoint myself

Have you ever noticed that just when you were starting to make progress in an are of your life, everything else seems to fall apart? This last weekend I put my self on the line, I stuck my neck out and let go. And got back to school and had an epic fail. I disappoint myself. I have failed myself and every person who supported me. So much for things being different.......and yet things are changing. Slowly. They hurt, and rightly so. I mean, this is something that has been a part of my life since I was 12.....that's 11 years. 11 years of wallowing. 11 years of mucking about, behind closed doors, not trusting, hiding. And it doesn't all go away. If Satan starts to lose grip in one point, he grasps at a million different places and most likely you will backtrack right to where you last left off. Unless you have help. It is sooo difficult to ask for help, even after they offer. Who's to say they won't just forget about you and ignore you like everyone before them?

I'm just trying to figure this all out...

So this last week at Beach Reach was amazing
I learned so much about God and my self and my friends
But now I don't know what to do with myself
I got hit by a semi, a load that I can't even fathom
I watched and listened to my friends and team mates on the trip
I saw the passion and fire in those who were relatively new Christians
I saw their fascination at seeing God work through them
I saw their desire and intense hunger to know God better
Then I saw those who are relatively seasoned Christians
I saw their knowledge and wisdom
I saw their experienced guidance of those who were young
I saw their intense passion and commitment to the work of God
Then it hit me
It hurt
I don't know what to do about it now
I realized that I don't fit into either category
I realized that I have become so complacent and luke warm in my walk
I realized that I don't have that passion for God
I don't know what I have
I have seen what I don't have
And that's passion, feeling, sensitivity to God's fellowship
Everybody talks about how this week changed them
They feel so much closer to God
I don't feel any different than before I left
I made commitments to myself and to God
I gave things over to God
And I get back here to school and nothing has changed
I am back in my old ways
I am ashamed of myself
I am disappointed
I am so confused
It seems like I give and give and give
But nothing changes
I don't change
I really don't know how to put this whole thing into words
I just want to feel
I want to break
I want to feel comfort
I want to feel God.......


And yet nothing

Give me one good reason

Why is it entertaining to humiliate your friend?
What is so hilarious about constantly belittling them?
Why is this one issue the one thing they constantly jab?
Why does every social group end up like this for me?

I am heavy.....

I don't know what it is but something has crept up
It is heavy on my shoulders
A weight inside that I can't put a label on
I am exhausted, and it is only the second week of classes
I have so many places to be
So many things to do
And no motivation to do any of them
I fell asleep reading my e-mails tonight
I want to be with friends and to relax with them
But all I get in return is the feeling of burden
I feel as though I need to justify the way I feel right now
Almost as though I am guilty for some reason
I am checking out of reality for the rest of the night

When The Broken....

Here we are, Glorious Shining One
We are a hurting generation, Marvelous Healer
We are confused and misled by the World
Our eyes are blinded by our own dirt stained hands
We loath our very existence away from You



We have hope



We know that you look down on us
We know that when the Broken cry out
When the Beaten Down lift their hands
When the Lifeless and Scorned shout to Heaven




You hear us



You heal us


You make us whole



You Love us