I'm just trying to figure this all out...

So this last week at Beach Reach was amazing
I learned so much about God and my self and my friends
But now I don't know what to do with myself
I got hit by a semi, a load that I can't even fathom
I watched and listened to my friends and team mates on the trip
I saw the passion and fire in those who were relatively new Christians
I saw their fascination at seeing God work through them
I saw their desire and intense hunger to know God better
Then I saw those who are relatively seasoned Christians
I saw their knowledge and wisdom
I saw their experienced guidance of those who were young
I saw their intense passion and commitment to the work of God
Then it hit me
It hurt
I don't know what to do about it now
I realized that I don't fit into either category
I realized that I have become so complacent and luke warm in my walk
I realized that I don't have that passion for God
I don't know what I have
I have seen what I don't have
And that's passion, feeling, sensitivity to God's fellowship
Everybody talks about how this week changed them
They feel so much closer to God
I don't feel any different than before I left
I made commitments to myself and to God
I gave things over to God
And I get back here to school and nothing has changed
I am back in my old ways
I am ashamed of myself
I am disappointed
I am so confused
It seems like I give and give and give
But nothing changes
I don't change
I really don't know how to put this whole thing into words
I just want to feel
I want to break
I want to feel comfort
I want to feel God.......


And yet nothing